He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack....

Hello old chums!

After a phoenix-esque revival from the world of the invalid, I return bearing the fruits of my knowledge, the rich value of my current history, and the delight of my company ;D.

To start, I will chronicle my recovery.

It begins on a sunny day when I fall on my head and shoulder onto concrete. Ow. Pull myself up, don't realize that my shoulder hurts as bad as it should because I realized that blood is kinda getting in my eye.

Slightly less intense then this, but then again, that's just the kinda man I am.

So after going to the Student Health Center at a certain college that I go to, I am given closing bandages, a sling and........advil. Nothing against advil, it's just that its for a 3 on the pain scale rather then like a 7 or 8. So follows an awful weekend of doing almost nothing but keeping my shoulder level and slovenly lazing about.

Hyperbole and a Half Pain scale





Hyperbole and a Half Pain scale

^-----------Side note, A wonderful blog that I recommend everyone read. If you are so inclined, then either start from the beginning or start with one of the "classic" posts on the side. It is a seriously good read.



So after a week or so of flailing about like this, I start feeling better, and this lasts for a pleasant period full of joyous rejoicing. Then this past Thursday I start to feel bad. So the next day I wake up, and I feel like Death incarnate.

However, not in the good way.



Anyway, I go to the health center again, I show up shivering wearing a heavy jacket and jeans on a 70 degree day, and at first they think I'm kidding. They actually laughed. health "professionals" mind you. Anyway, they look at my throat, say i have post nasal drip and a fairly significant fever.


what?

WHAT.

Honestly, what the hell is a "fairly significant fever"?!? How does that help somebody. Honestly.
Anyway, they give me an antibiotic for something not related to the throat, which was KILLING by the way,  a mucinex or two, some friggin advil again and pseudo-ephedrine and all of that three times a day.  And for awhile, the incorrect drugs for the situation seemed to help. Until 9 pm. Thats when I started to get colder. And colder. And putting on a flannel. And another one. And a jacket. Then heavy socks. Then came the shivers. So I got into bed, with flannel sheets and a blanket and I was still shivering. Bad News Bears.

Pretty Friggin cold.

So luckily I have great friends, a few of whom are going to be wonderful medical professionals or could be if that is where their pre-med degree goes so they take a look. Now, we don't exactly have a thermometer( I recommend everyone that doesn't to go grab one cuz they're quite useful. They can like, read the temperature of things, prop up light unbalanced objects, and poke people with. so yeah. get one.) Either way, I'm burning up and when they look in my throat, they see the real problem. I have tonsillitis, and my throat had closed up to almost a quarter sized opening, and when your tonsils are almost touching your uvula, you're about that close to constantly throwing up. So we go to the ER and luckily I get a room. Strange that there weren't that many people there...

Some creative license

Anyway I begin to see soon why this might be. From 11pm Friday  until 3 am when they finally let me sleep, the only thing they actually gave me was a cup of water and an IV of...water. Just water. No fever reducers. um.....okay...So regarding what they did besides this. They take my temperature, and the first time they tell me that I have quite a significant fever.


what?

WHAT.

I'm going to murder something.

AGAIN?!?!? Seriously, what do people need to know to work in a hospital nowadays.  I think some cereal company thought that itd be a good idea to print up a bunch of fake medical licenses and sprinkle them around up-state New York. Holy hell. Eventually they give me a quantified response, and I find out that after being in there care for 4 hours i had a fever of 102.8, which by the morning had thankfully dropped to 101. Still not good, but a lot better.

In the morning when they decide that i'm ready to leave, they let me call my friends and immediately discharge me. Now, they know that the trip is a good half hour or so, and now that I am discharged they cant give me anything . Nothing. because if i get a paper cut from a tissue, i could potentially sue. Don't you love the state of our legal system? And since the "medicine" that they gave me was water, I wasn't allowed another water cup. Despite the fact that I still had a 101 degree fever, despite I've been in a hospital for a total of 11 hours at this point (WAIT A MINUTE, eleventh hour? maybe I have something to do with the doctor switching....maybe I am him from the future...or not. Probably not. unless theres another friggin watch thing again, in which case I'm going to call BS on myself.

Fob me once, shame on you

Fob me twice, shame on me

Anyway, somehow I survived. Now I really think I'm done getting sick for awhile. I at least hope so.
So for all our viewers out there, Stay healthy, but don't eat too many apples, cuz too many keep the doctor away. Maybe that's what the fields of Trenzalor are made of. I'd like that.
Goodnight everyone, and Jackwagon out. Toot Toot!